Impact of Household Chores on Marriage

Do you know that unequal distribution of household chores is an an often cited reason for divorce? Indian society with changing times is seeing its share of divorces. In order to avoid imitating the divorce rate in western society an understanding of what the underlying reasons are and how they can be avoided is necessary. This blogpost specifically focusses on "Impact of Household Chores on Marriage".

A. Rise of Working Women

With a substantial rise in the number of working women Indian society is undergoing a major shift. Men are no longer the only bread-earners. Wives equally contribute to the family expenses.

Consequently, women are no longer entirely dependent on their husbands for their expenses and have a lot more say in decision making compared to earlier generations. This necessitates a study on Impact of Household Chores on Marriage.

B. Household Chores - What Do They Entail?

To get to the root of the matter it is very important to understand the definition of Household Chore.

Household Chores are work related to the smooth functioning of marital home. For instance, household chores include the following:

• Cooking Food for the Family
• Buying Groceries from the Market
• Washing Utensils
• Washing Clothes
• Hanging Clothes
• Ironing Clothes
• Cleaning the House
• Cleaning the Owned Vehicles
• Washing the Toilet
• Paying the Electricity, Wifi and Water Bills

If the couple has kids the following tasks are added to list above:

• Dropping kids at school and other classes they go to & consequent picking them up  
• Taking kids to doctors for regular check-ups
• Visiting school for parent-teacher meetings and other school functions
• Helping kids with the homework

Please note that the tasks enumerated above are merely illustrative in nature. You may add or substitute according to your requirements.

C. Indian Society - Unequal Distribution of Household Chores

In India the number of working women is on constant rise. However, the power dynamics at home still imitate the old structure. This is a result of the Indian patriarchal mindset. In olden times women were to just bear children and keep perfect homes. But today, women juggle between taking care of their careers and maintaining a perfect home. The society expects the working women to also take good care of their homes. Good professional life is not enough. In contrast, men are to only take care of their careers. In India, women spend 352 minutes per day on domestic work, as compared to 52 minutes spent by men.

Unfair Burden on Married Working Women - It is unfair to expect one partner to take care of all the issues at home. If both men and women are working they should both contribute in the running of a well-oiled home. The women should not be made to carry this burden alone.

This unfair expectation results in an Adverse Impact of Household Chores on Marriage due to reasons listed below:

1. Disillusionment of Married Working Women in Marriage

With time, a number of women start to feel the unfairness of this societal structure. It starts dawning on them that they are the ones carrying the entire marriage. A sense of disenchantment starts pervading the married life. Hence, constant fights with the partner and lack of mental peace. These together result in dissatisfaction with their marriage.

2. Adverse Impact on Careers of Married Working Women

The burden of domestic chores often leaves the women feeling tired. On reaching office they do not have enough energy levels to match the rest of the team. They feel fatigued. They get passed over for promotions.

Some women due to the burden of their housework end up leaving their jobs. They do this only to take care full time of their homes. This is the way out for them to resolve the constant strife between perfect home and professional advancement. Many such women regret their decisions later when they see their colleagues advancing in their careers. Then there is psychological strife of whether sacrificing career at the altar of marriage was right or not.

D. Division of Chores

This post is essentially a wake up call for both married men and women. Modern times demand that there be a fair division of work.

A lot of you would wonder at this expectation from men who have been taught nothing about household work. But then as they say "Where there is a will, there is a way". In this section I would elaborate on how to go about dividing domestic chores.

1. Strategies for Dividing Household Chores

Strategy 1: USE HIRED HELP: If both of you are working and earning enough to get outside help get someone to do all the chores. There is no burden on either partner and marriage works well.

Strategy 2: LIST OUT THE CHORES YOU LIKE: So, strategy 1 doesn't work for you due to financial constraints. Do not worry. We have a solution. Both the spouses can list out the chores they like. If this leads to a fair distribution of work then all is good. If there are some chores with no pick then adopt Strategy 3.

Strategy 3: DRAW LOTS IF NEITHER OF YOU LIKE CHORES: Ahem! So we will go back to the drawing of lots. Yes. You heard us right. Write down the chores on which there is no consensus on pieces of paper and draw them.

Strategy 4: WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM: You can decide to work on the same chores together and sub-divide the work. For example, the husband can chop the vegetables and the wife can cook the dish.

2. General Guidelines On Dividing Chores

• You can mix strategies above listed together and arrive at a consensus on way of managing the work division.
• Write down the work division and commit to it to avoid any confusion later on.
• If you have kids involve them also in work division to prepare them for the future.
• Be flexible and support each other if your partner cannot perform the assigned chore due to ill health or urgent commitment.
• Use digital help, for example, Youtube, Instagram, Blogs etc. to learn the chores about which you have no idea. For example, you easily learn how to cook white sauce pasta by looking at good food blog or youtube video.
• Alternate the chores which none of you like on a daily or weekly basis to ensure fairness.

E. Effect of Fair Division of Household Chores on Marriage

In this section, we would discuss about the impact of household chores on marriage. So, the question now is what is the result that we are expecting out of this entire exercise. Listed below are the two major tangible outcomes:

1. Career Advancement

The dividing of the burden with the spouse leaves time to women to concentrate on their careers. As a woman, you are able to focus well on your work without the nagging worries about domestic chores. As a result, you are able to give your best and are able to advance your career further.

2. Time for Hobbies

The time saved from household chores can be applied to hobbies and interests long forgotten. It is proven that hobbies keep one happier. A psychological study conducted on the impact of hobbies shows that those having a creative hobby were more likely to feel a sense of relaxation. In addition such persons feel greater control and mastery.

3. Enhanced Understanding

The male spouse would start appreciating his wife for the household chores that he used to take for granted. He would come to value his wife more and as a result understand her viewpoints better. Similarly, the wife upon seeing the husband contributing to work would feel a sense of respect. This, in turn would lead to an enhanced understanding of each other.

To sum up, with more time on their hands women will feel free and thus happy. This happiness will undoubtedly pervade the marriage. And, men after gaining an understanding of the travails of wife's daily life would come to appreciate her even more. This enhanced mutual understanding would make the marital bond even stronger and keep the divorce rate down.

To know more about what makes a marriage tick read our blog available at: https://hansmatrimony.com/blog/marital-advice/5-best-marriage-ideas/